There I was...

There I was teaching my daughter how to "MoBlog"

While driving down the road this last weekend my daughter took an
interest in playing with my cell phone. She figured out how to take a
picture with it and I explained in theory she could then email the
picture to someone or blog it on the web.
After she nodded in that, yeah Dad whatever, fashion, I thought I would
try to moblog the picture to see how well it really works. So here it
is...

There I was...Just past Airport Security..And my shoe fell apart!

I had just come through security with everything checked over just fine and bam...My shoe fell apart. Not just a little but 3/4 of the sole was hanging from the upper part of the shoe! It was my own fault of course. It was coming loose, I was going out of town, so I thought, hey drive a screw into the sole and it will hold...Right? And for a while it did, and I had this moral satisfaction of fixing it in a way that couldn't be seen and it felt just fine. Until of course...The screw pulled loose and there I was.

My bags had been checked so...No alternate shoes to wear. I collected my things, laptop, keys, disassembled shoe...and sat down on the bench next to security. Man I just had this uber creepy feeling that the guys would look over and think...Hey what's that guy doing? He's using his car keys to tighten up a screw in his shew??? Cuff him!

However, I was able to flip flop my way onto the tram and then into the boarding area. Wanna feel incredibly stupid?...well ok I know you don't but if you do, try walking around with the sole of your shoe flappin away with each step. You can try to work it somehow but it wont happen. I eventually found the peg leg, slide your foot along the floor as you walk method to be the most effective. It gives you that mystique like...must be an old football injury....

I flip-skidded my way into a small shop and looked around for some glue, or tape or something! Nothing of the kind there of course, I guess people don't get on a plane and suddenly need glue right? Then it dawned on me...how about a rubber band or string? Or duck tape? Well ok, not the fashion stylings I'm hoping for but at least it would work.

I asked a clerk if they had any rubber bands and he went in the back...and brought me a handful of nice large ones. Perfect! I said with joy. Now I too can walk confidently like everyone else and not have this flappity flap thing echoing my every move.

I slid them over the shoe and heel, yes right in the store! and presto, like fix a flat for your shoe, I was healed..(no pun intended but wow that's a clever one).

I walked toward the boarding area, hoping no one would notice the odd bands going around my shoe on the side and from what I saw no one did. I kept a low profile for the rest of the flight and finally made it to the hotel with my shoe intact.

Aside from my numb toes (the rubber bands were a bit too strong) everything worked out well. I got a new pair of shoes the next day and haven't looked back. But I'll never attempt home shoe repair again, that's a skill best left to the professionals :-)

There I was...in Boulder Colorado

I thought this town was going to be a bunch of hills and boring places along the street. Much to my surprise it's very nice! The primary downtown area has a great walkway for tourists and local flavor, called Pearl Street. I went there each day that I was in Boulder and saw something new every time. On the last day, performers were in the street, juggling, playing music, even singing for rent money. It's a different kind of local culture that you just don't see anymore. But the most important part of my trip was not the business, or the tour of Celestial Seasonings Headquarters-yes I survived the "mint room" too. No, all this paled in comparison to the apogee of my trip.I walked two streets over from Pearl down a few blocks until...could it be?....no way...is that it?...I think it is!!! The Mork and Mindy house!

Oh my gosh, take my picture! So why all the fuss over this simple backdrop to a somewhat forgotten sitcom? Well back in the day, this show ruled supreme. I was in the 8th grade that year and imitated all of Mork's goofy acts at school. I was really popular for that, and in my year book all my friends mentioned it. That was the best year of school I ever had, and a lot of the popularity, and learning to make people laugh came from that show. Robin Williams created a character that helped me come out of my shell and make a ton of friends. So-that's why I just had to get a picture in front of this icon of my youth. Na-noo Na-noo!

There I was...for the FIFTH time at the Social Security Office

I guess the FIFTH time was the charm. But it was also a different office. Just when I thought the Social Security system needed a complete rebuild based on its long lines, ridiculous waits, over invasive security measures and yes, a lack of chairs for the hundreds of applicants forced to stand for hours at a time-a miracle happened. They opened an office in my town. No more driving 45 minutes to the closest office! You have to understand how many times (4 before) I had gone to the closest office. Each time presenting papers, documents, all origianls of course. They wont let you do any of this over a computer or phone-it just has to be in person! I understand the rules, but my goodness...can I get a card so you can take money from my paycheck? What's wrong with this picture?Anyway, I digress...the new office opened in my town. Wow, what a difference! A free parking lot space....chairs for everyone...and-all business complete in 20 minutes. They even had a nice pizza shop across the street. Awesome-had to celebrate with some pizza after getting the card ordered.Ok the only room for improvement-hand the card over on the spot! What's the value in sending them in the mail and waiting two weeks to get it? I would think the savings in postage, considering the person is right there...would be enormous!But I'm sure there's some silly accounting control, like hey if you put blank cards in the hands of the agents processing paperwork-someone might pull a fast one. Well, what’s better, generating them blindly in some distant office and dropping them in the mail with no assurance they will end up in the right hands? Come on guys, wake up! But thanks for the new office, if only immigration could spread out like that things wouldn't be so crowded each day. Sigh...I guess it all takes time!

There I was...in line at the Social Security Office

If you ever have a few HOURS to kill by standing in line, I highly recommend you come by the Social Security office. It is the most highly protected fortress on the planet complete with armed guards, who announce you in before allowing you near the door....we have 2 to get a card, repeat 2 for the card....ok you can go in now. I was waiting for a strip search and lie detector test, but the metal detector, and examination of my drivers license was sufficient to go to the next level.Once past the door you are greeted by yet another guard who tells you where to stand, back of the line of course...which runs around the room in a serpentine parade of exhausted people wanting the same thing as you, a social security card.I don't think it was always this way...perhaps the offices were once nicer and the crowds not so thick, I'm told the line begins 30 minutes before they even open. But the issue is the same for everyone-they have been forced to appear in person, with original copies of documents or no card!The immigration system appears to have dumped all responsibility onto the Social Security administration for verifying information. In fact, you can't get a drivers license, a job or a bank account unless you have an SSN (social security number).But you can't get a job without a car....and you cant buy the car without a bank account or loan...so...how does anyone make due? They don't! You either get your necessary documents in order or you might as well become a couch potato.Those magical original documents are a strange requirement though. First, the SS offices wont let you do anything on line, everything is done in person, so no electronic filing of any kind. Second, once you show up with the originals, they take them from you and go to a copier to create a duplicate. Wow, you're kidding right?Then they tell you all the reasons why you have waited in line for 2 hours in vain. Keep in mind it's not just two hours...it's two hours with no cell phone-those are forbidden. It's 2 hours surrounded by people who are pissed off by having to stand in a slow moving line. You have time to read every piece of literature they hang on the walls, all the signs about their rules like, we don't grant SS numbers for people on a tourist Visa. Um, if I were on a tourist Visa, the last place I would go is to get an SS number...but I digress.Then again, why wouldn’t you do that? Why not let every tourist get a number, and if they happen to work here, hey we get more money in our national treasury. Hmm...I doubt they will ever claim it since they aren't here for very long. Oh wait! That's right, this isn't about social security anymore, it's about immigration.So finally we get up to the window, which felt like a parole hearing for someone on death row. They look at your documents and immediately say why you can't have a card yet. The reason ours was denied this time,,, actually the third time?....you don't have your green card yet. Until that comes, all these notices form Homeland Security saying you are in the system, completely legal and just waiting for your card-are worthless. Wow, thanks for the notice...maybe the guy outside should tell people that before they get in line?!!!!To anyone who has EVER been through this, I have this advice. First, go early, it's the only way you are going to get out of their under an hour. Second, if you don't go early, take a book...like War and Peace-cause you'll be able to finish it.Third, if you notice that the cheap fluorescent lights seem to flicker and dim, sucking the life from your brain....the fans on the wall seem incredibly filthy and caked with dust...and the number of screaming children increases the longer you are there...congratulations, you and only you can say-you understand this rant!

There I was...standing outside the Immigration Office

If you want to see our government at it's finest, take a look at it from a foreigner’s perspective. I recently went to the INS office to get a question answered, yep just a question that their web site didn't seem to cover. So I got in the "question line". Wow they actually had a line, OUTSIDE, for this. There was another line outside beside this one, it's was for appointments. There was a guy there, a security guard I think, who seemed to be keeping things in order. The amazing thing was he was answering questions, explaining forms, all of it. You just had to walk up to him between his repeated chants about which place for people to stand.There was a unique business camped out right next door to the INS office. Talk about a perfect opportunity! This guy opened a coffee shop and Immigration photo store! Talk about a niche market. He even had, get this, computers available so you could go inside, and schedule an appointment over the Internet. I suppose it's funny to see all at once, but it also made me wonder what all these nice people, there to do everything legally, must think about us.I finally made my way inside, had to get frisked, scanned, take off my belt, and leave my cell phone in the car, but hey...I got in! I was handed some forms, and they explained things to me, poof, done, not so bad. And the coffee next door was rather tasty :-pI think I'll be a little nicer to folks with accents now; they deserve every consideration after what they go through just to live or work here. I'll also be more considerate of things the next time I travel to Russia!

There I was in line at the day Care...

If there is one thing a single parent appreciates, it's a quick experience when trying to get two kids dropped off for school while on the way to work! Especially when it's two different schools a few miles apart. Such is the case each morning when I have my kids with me. Normally it's a disciplined process from the time the alarm goes off until I see them at day care that night. We get up, get dressed, straighten up, book bags, car keys, and out the door for a 20 minute ride to school number one. After the first school car jam, I'm off to school two. Where normally it's car free because we are there way before the actual school starts. They have an extended day program so I can drop my other child off to have breakfast and wait for school to start in a safe monitored environment. It's all very efficient, as I dash off to work which is 30 mintues away through rediculous traffic! Well as I stop to pay for the next two weeks of extended day, there is a lady in front of me who just seems a bit lost. She doesn't understand English so I can understand thigns are harder to figure out. I think she was trying to drop her child off there, which of course is not so simple! You have to register, and it's in a another place, blah blah. Unfortunately for me she is learning all of this while the clock is ticking and I am imagining the cars that are all racing to get in front of me for the next 30 mintues. Then I realize, I am going to be late!!She goes on and on, asking the attendant all the rules, directions, etc. Never even realizing..hey...these parents behind me need to take care of things too. All of us were just as speechless. It's one of those situations where you really would like to say..HEY! Lady! read the brochure and figure it out like the rest of us! But of course that would be insensitive, right? Meanwhile the clock in the wall ticks by another 5 mintues and I'm practically pacing by now. I thought if I did the pee pee dance it might get the message across, but there were kids present... If there is a way to clear your throat in a way that says...excuse but your 10 selfish minutes are up? There are other people waiting here! I swear I was about to grab a pen and draw the directions to the registration office for her!Next time I'm gonna get an inflateable version of me, blow him up and leave him in line with a check taped to his chest. I'm sure they will figure it out...Gotta love those lines! If nothing else they make good blog fodder.